Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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