she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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