If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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