Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
