his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Two words: blizzard sex
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
