the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
