Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
