I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
