I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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