You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
