it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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