Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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