He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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