rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We left the knife in your bed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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