If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
