Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
