I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
