yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
