Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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