I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
