you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
