Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
