im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
