just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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