It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Still dying that you shit outside
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
