ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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