I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
