And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
