when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize