I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
