we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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