That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
