Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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