What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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