I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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