dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize