giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
