If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
