you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize