Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
