my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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