She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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