In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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