called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize