his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
