K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
