Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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