My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
