you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
