Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
