I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
