I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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