i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
