i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
