Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
