The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
