A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
