Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
