ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
