how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
