Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
