my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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