to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize