I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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