How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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