I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
