Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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