do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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