her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
