At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
